My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I am full of burrito and curiosity
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
