If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
