I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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