11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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