I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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