..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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