I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
