Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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