Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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