Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
