yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
