Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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