someone threw a dead crab at me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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