Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just had sex bonerless
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
