I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
