My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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