I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
