Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just want nice things and good sex
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
