i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
