just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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