I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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