I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
