First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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