I'm so fucking centered right now
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Randomize
