omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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