This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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