Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
