If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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