Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
