I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
