Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
