I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
