Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
