I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
