New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
