i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
