I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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