somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
