i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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