You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
