She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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