nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
