Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
