tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
