I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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