BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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