yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
