do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
