NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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