Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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