1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
