well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
